If this time of year holds triggers for you..
I love this time of year, but it hasn’t always been like that.
I have had years where loneliness, loss, family friction or burnout have meant that the festive season and the build-up to it have felt stressful, heavy or difficult to navigate. As our life circumstances change (or don’t), the triggers can change or become more pronounced. Of course, although there is more sensitivity in many lines of communication these days, we are still surrounded by images and expectations of the perfect circumstances that we should be part of or be creating. Even though we know that so much of it is just marketing, those ‘making memories’ messages can still be painful or overwhelming.
While we may not have the ability to shift our circumstances entirely, my belief is that we CAN work on our energy and have a conscious communication with ourselves that at least gives us a chance to minimise the effect of triggers and perhaps make different choices. We can do this on several levels and I’d like to share a few things with you that may help.
Gratitude journalling
One of the most powerful habits that I used when I was recovering from severe post-natal depression was gratitude journalling. When it was suggested to me, I rolled my eyes, but after months of writing three specific things every evening that I was grateful for, I could see how useful it was. Because the opposite of gratitude is complacency, taking things for granted and feeling that nothing is good enough and by completing this simple practice, I started to notice more things to be grateful for in my daily life = mood booster! And you don’t need to be having a mental health challenge to benefit from stepping back at the end of each day and feeling thankful, especially at thus time of year. Research shows that when we express gratitude, the brain releases dopamine, a neurotransmitter that plays an important role in our feelings of pleasure, motivation and attention giving feelings of wellbeing. But more that that, it can make us stop and re-evaluate and reframe our concerns and worries and then motivate us to do something positive for ourselves or someone else.
Making a plan
What is especially hard for you at this time? Do you over-commit yourself and stretch yourself too thinly? Do you have family members that cause you difficulty? Do you feel lonely? Do you spend too much money and then stress about it?
I invite you to take a journal or notebook (right now if you can!) and ask yourself honestly, if you allowed yourself to drop some of the ‘shoulds’ or the fears of upsetting others or fear of rejection, what would you like to do differently this year? What would make this time of year feel better for you? Would you be saying no to more, or yes to more? Would you be making a plan to sneak off to the cinema alone for an afternoon or inviting friends over for a special gathering.
Committing this to paper can be so therapeutic as you allow yourself to be totally uncensored. Try to notice when the ‘gremlins’ pop in trying to tell you why x or y isn’t possible/is selfish/is fanciful. Can you dare to implement some or all of what you discover?
Protecting your energy
For those of you who have done Soul Circles with me, you will know that I am a big fan of clearing and protecting our own energy and it is a wonderful habit to get into at any time of the year. But at this time, we may feel even more bombarded by other people’s energy or depleted of our own. A very simple exercise that I do before I go to sleep is to say in my head ‘I release any energy that doesn’t belong to me’, pause for about 10 seconds and then ‘I draw back any of my energy that I have left behind’. You may or may not feel something, depending on your perception of energy, but I know that it is powerful and worth doing! Even just this very act means that you are connecting with your own energy, perhaps something that you have never done before.
Whatever you feel about this time of year, I hope that these exercises give you food for thought either for yourself or for someone you know